Jack Of All Trades
by demonichazard
Summary: A series of one shots in which Jack assists the guardians in their duties. Hilarity and calamity ensue. Set after the movie. Rating may go up to T.


_**Jack of All Trades**_

_Summary: A series of one shots where Jack assists the guardians in their duties. Hilarity and calamity ensue._

**Trade no.1: Santa's Little Helper**

_Summary: Or what is commonly refered to as 'The great Elven Rebellion of 2012'_

It was four weeks to Christmas and the workshop was buzzing. Santa was in his office, checking his list for the forty second time; after all this work he wasn't going to risk it all by just checking twice. The indecipherable grunts of yetis sounded throughout Santoff Clausen, apparently making sense to those inside. Well, to all but one…

"Why won't you let me help? I know all about kids and I know all about fun!" Jack Frost turned his puppy dog eyes to max on Phil the Yeti before adding in a small hopeful voice, "I'll be good!" But Phil continued in his efforts to remove Jack from the immediate vicinity of the toys; his efforts being to effortlessly lift Jack and carry him into the massive kitchen where undesirables, like the elves, were kept out of the way. Phil waved his giant yeti hands at Jack, making motions that from what Jack had learned of Yetian meant stay… or duck, he still wasn't quite sure; the hand gestures had been used both when throwing him out the building and when warning him of a low flying toy plane operated by an elf.

Phil lumbered out of the room; content that there would be no more mischief making in the workshop, leaving Jack on his own.

Or so the boy thought, but when he turned round forty pairs of bulbous eyes stared back. They all looked away when they saw they'd been caught but returned to staring at the intruder as soon as Jack's focus was elsewhere. They knew him of course. The snow boy liked to freeze them as they walked past or ice over the floors so that they slipped. Jack should count his lucky stars that elves aren't known for bearing grudges for if they had there would've been hell to pay (and a great many elven rebellions at the North Pole). They also weren't known for their intelligence or observational skills or they would've seen the devious glint in Jack's eye before he turned to address them.

"Erm… Elves, I have a task of great importance for you!" Jack called in a commanding voice. A few elves stopped what they were doing, which was nothing at all really, but the majority continued their baking, ignoring the winter sprite altogether. Jack was not to be deterred; the situation merely required a skilled bending of the truth.

"North has asked that we assist the yetis this year, that's why I'm in here." At the mention of Santa all the elves froze and reverently listened as Jack detailed their task. It was an elf's dream to help out in the Christmas rush. They quickly broke into excited groups some rushing to get the Irish'd eggnog for a celebration. Jack stared on bemusedly as the little helpers danced and jigged across the kitchen.

Jack's plan was flawless. Have the elves do all the work with Jack residing over them like a skinnier, younger, more attractive santa. He'd show Phil and North that he was a good guardian, an awesome helper and a useful individual prehaps worthy of his own day or at least being put on the nice list but that was way off in his mind. It was worth noting however, that one thing that did escape Jack's thoughts was that the elves were banned from toy production for a reason.

Up in his office North's stomach rumbled a warning but he dismissed it as a bad batch of cookies.

Jack was a great organiser, and soon he managed to obtain a small area away from the workshop floor, away from the yetis. It also helped that Jack was an amazing liar; when an elf look at him quizzically after he asked it to _acquire_ an amount of wood without letting the yetis see he easily explained away the creature's worries with joking jabs at the hulking fur-balls' possessiveness and about them needing to learn how to share. The elves in earshot agreed whole heartedly with this observation, after all, what was the harm in them using a cement mixture for baking. Very selfish indeed.

As the guardian of fun Jack had quite a short attention span and he had focused on this for far too long. The North Pole didn't really need him to bring winter and he only ever really ventured up here to see North at his base of operations so there wasn't really much to do. The elves were now working efficiently enough that Jack no longer felt like there was impending doom at any moment (although it was a bit touch and go when one elf got hold of a power drill). With this in mind, Jack when to see North to ask for transport to Burgess and back. The red clad man was a little busy and tossed a couple snow globes at the other spirit all the while debating the age old issues of whether white lies were good or bad.

"It's kinda touch and go, I'd say" the snowy boy yelled as he was sucked through the portal and Santa cursed when he turned to ask the boy to expand only to speak to an empty room.

He had only been gone five hours. Jack had left about eleven o'clock in the morning to give Jamie a light blizzard for Christmas. After spending the day with his believers he had wished them a merry Christmas and snow globed his way back to the workshop. He couldn't believe his eyes.

A group of Yetis were fending off attacks from what looked like a pack of rabid teddy bears. Toy planes flew low, giving Jack flashbacks to the very close shave he received on a previous visit. The winter sprite slowly made his way through the workshop turned warzone, dodging out of the way from a group of Barbies reminiscent of ancient Amazon warriors; they carried the heads of Kens on their spears.

Above it all, staring down at Jack in a way that predicted horrible torture was Nicholas St North, both swords unsheathed. Jack gulped, and wondered how many millenia it would be before the coal in his stockings was traded for a brand new hoody. He absently picked up the stuffed unicorn that was trying to gore his leg with its cotton horn. Many would be his guess.

Without giving North time to gut him with his twin blades, Jack set to work freezing the defective toys. The yetis around him were roused to action. There were few casualties on either side, and mostly they were the toy planes that turned kamikazi. Some yetis had minor lumps and bumps and they were escorted by glum elves to the sick bay; they had had quite a talking to from Santa when he realised, unfortunately too late, what they were up to.

The faulty toys were encased in a cage of ice in the middle of the work shop floor. Stuffed animals were charging the ice but their cotton bodies had little to no impact. The Barbies had created picket signs broken planes to join the Ken heads from and were loudly protesting for freedom. Santa turned his sight away from the blemishes on his perfect production to the cause.

Jack Frost refused to make eye contact.

"Frost," the use of his surname made the boy wince, "in four hours I have to make delivery to all little boys and girl in the world. With this, you have stopped production two hours early and the toys you ordered elves to build broke quarter of stock. We do not have presents to give to all good children now. Is almot as bad as Pitch incident."

Jack, who had been steadily feeling more and more guilty through out Santa's speech, recoiled at the last sentence. Because of his own selfishness and pride he had ruined Christmas. Jamie might not get his guardian action figures and Sophie might not get her stuffed bunny, one that was extra soft and cuddly and definately not going to attack her in the night like the ones he had created. He thought back to the kids he had played with earlier that day. Cupcake had so wanted that unicorn toy- wait a minute. He stared a the unicorn that had earlier attack him. It was almost funny when he thought about it, how harmless such a harm full toy was. A toy such as that would make a great prank. The Barbies were usually so preppy it would be hilarious for them to suddenly start spouting femminist and misandry phrases and youths were so impressianble at that age. Maybe not all toys could be salvaged but a most could and with that a devious glint once again entered Jack's eyes.

North listened, wide eyed as Jack explained his plan. It was a good plan and it might have even gotten the boy that hoody he so desperately coveted if previous circumstances were not taken into account.

'Well,' North thought, quickly doing the math of Jack's deeds in his head, "there's always next century."


End file.
